Expanded Third Column Inventory Notes from the meeting today:
We discussed and clarified the expanded 3 column inventory of the BBA: Beliefs that I have when I am playing God.
Why do we get resentful? We are resentful because the world is not following our script (Self will).
Underneath all resentment is fear, so we list the fear associated with the resentment.
The beauty of this technique is that one has the opportunity to observe how we think.
Self Esteem: My deep down belief about who I am … when I am coming from a place of high esteem. (How I see me) Inside
What is the role you have assigned yourself here?
How in an ideal world I would like to be seen?
I am the most intelligent and knowledgeable co-worker that everyone should want to do what I say.
I am the best worker. (Fear of being not good enough)
Pride: How I think others see me or feel about me. “Others should….” “No one should….” Or “Others can…” (How you should see me) Outside
Others should value and acknowledge me.
Others should know how wonderful and knowledgeable I am.
Others should know that whatever I want is not only for my best, it is for their best.
Aren’t I wonderful and don’t I know so much! (Fear of not being special, maybe I might be wrong.)
Ambition: What I want to happen here. I want… (Outside)
I want coworkers who appreciate and know how terrific I am. (Fear of being unappreciated)
Security: What I need here, to be okay. Start sentences with – “I need…to be OK” (Inside)
To be OK, I need to know that people will listen to me, or do it my way.
I need people to value what I say and do what I want to be OK.
I need her to think I am right and to follow my way to be OK. (fear of being wrong, ignored, not valued)
Personal relations: What is my vision of what this relationship should look like? How should family, friends and colleagues see or treat me? Outside: how should this relationship look?
Real coworkers should all think like me. (Fear of being ignored, overlooked, disrespected, wrong)
Real children should respect my opinion.
Sex (Gender) relations: Refers to my belief about myself as a woman or as a man. My ideal vision of how I should be in this situation. Inside: how I should be in this relationship?
A real woman commands the respect and the love of her children.
A real woman would command the respect and obedience of the people around her. (fear of being disrespected, overlooked, unloved)
Pocket Book: Affects my finances. Start sentences with –“No one (can, should, shouldn’t)…” or “Others (can, should, shouldn’t)…”
We also highlighted the inside-outside split: how I want to be on the inside, and how I want things to be on the outside.