10 strategies for looking for the good in others
Ask for help so that you can see the good in other people and not their faults and defects. Pray for help: “Help me that I should see the good in other people, and not their faults and defects.”
Tolerance/Empathy: seek to understand the other person’s perspective. A good way to cut down on frustration in relationships and to transform our negative view of others into a positive one, is to seek to understand others. By seeking to understand why something is important to them or why they act or think a certain way we open a new world of harmony, respect, and happiness within our relationships.
Be an easy grader: give partial credit: It’s not all or nothing! Learn to see the good in those around you by giving partial credit. When someone does a favor, runs an errand, etc.–even if he didn’t do exactly what you wanted–it’s important to give partial credit and express appreciation for the effort and for what he did do.
Accept differences: We need the humility to understand that just because we do things a certain way, doesn’t mean that’s how others need to do it. Acceptance of these differences is key to keeping negativity out of our relationships.
We find fault where our faults lie. The world is a mirror in which the faults we see in others are really those within ourselves. If you find a fault in another person, stop and consider, “Where is that fault in myself? “
Don’t keep score. The notion that things have to be fair is an illusion that blocks our happiness. Seeking a 50-50 balance leads to resentment. When people keep score and think or say, “I did this for you yesterday, why can’t you do this for me today?” that’s where negativity takes over and hijacks the relationship.
Everyone has faults: it is progress not perfection. The first principle of relationships is that people are born with deficits. Everyone has faults; that’s part of being human. The quality of our relationships hinges upon our learning to embrace people as a whole, with all their good points and their faults.
Listen: be able to explain the other person’s point of view, perfectly. In relationships we often fall into a trap. We get frustrated with the person. But the problem is we don’t really understand the other person. It’s important to take the time to have an open mind and truly try to understand where the other person is coming from, to the point that we can actually say over to them what we’ve heard, what we understand about why they say what they say, or why they’re doing what they’re doing. And if we can do that, that’s the beginning of a good conversation.
Invest in the person: focus on giving rather than taking. We see when people invest themselves and focus their energy into a project; they see all the good that the project has to offer. If we could take the same concept and invest in the people with whom we have difficulty, we’ll start seeing all the good in them. If you want to connect with the love of your friend – be involved in doing good for them. Do good things and you’ll see the good.
Keep a self esteem log. People who are overly self-critical and always finding fault with themselves, also tend to be equally critical of others and judgmental of others. In order to see the good in other people begin with noticing the good within oneself. Practice seeing positive qualities in oneself on a daily basis. Every day, acknowledge at least one thing that you did that you are proud of and reflects a positive attribute or quality. Being able to see acknowledge and recognize one’s own good qualities and attributes helps us to be able to see the good in others.
If anyone knows where this comes from, please let me know!