Five Maintenance Components (Step 10)
This is something that I came across that I thought might add to our discussion on Step 10:
As I continue to take a daily personal inventory of myself, I first consider my relationship with God. Am I still yielding my will to His? Do I still trust Him enough to surrender myself to Him in the moment of temptation?
Then I must consider my human relationships. Is there anyone whom I have wronged that I’ve not made amends to? If so, not only do I need to pursue the making of amends, but it’s also helpful to try to identify why I did that. Are my basic needs, as a human being not being met?
The book, “Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery” identifies five components (starting on page 67) of this ongoing recovery process:
1) Are my basic human need for love, acceptance, and security being met? And do I even recognize those needs?
2) What are my feelings? Am I hiding feelings of grief that need to be expressed? Am I having feelings of rejection? I especially need to watch for feelings of resentment because “resentment covers anger, anger covers hurt, hurt usually covers fear, and … the deepest fear is that our basic human needs are not going to be met.”
3) Am I using any codependent and/or addictive means of trying to get my needs met? Am I manipulative or over controlling? Am I perfectionistic or compulsive? Am I playing the martyr or the victim in sick relationships? Am I trying to “rescue” or enable other people’s sick behaviors? If I’m doing any of these, I need to consider what personal needs am I trying to meet by these bogus means?
4) Am I holding appropriate boundaries and am I respecting the boundaries of others? There is a delicate line between being too rigid and keeping people out when needed. It’s also a delicate line between being too fragile and letting people into my life as needed. Can I say yes when I should say yes, and say no when I should say no? And, do I respect other’s yeses and noes regarding their boundaries? If I’ve violated boundaries, I need to make amends, where possible.
5) Do I admit my wrongs promptly? If not, the temptation is to rationalize my wrongs. If I do that, these may become resentments against others which will likely sabotage my recovery.
As with everything: “take what you want and leave the rest….”