Set Aside Prayer:”God, please set aside everything that we think we know about ourselves, the book, sobriety, the 12 Steps, and you God. God please help each and every one of us to have an open mind so we may have a new experience, and discover the truth.”
“God, please help me face and be rid of the things in myself which have been blocking me from You, other people and myself.”
Step 4 – 9 Instructions:
Identifying our defects and how they manifest in our lives is the SOLE purpose of the 4th step. It is a fearless and thorough moral INVENTORY — what is our behavior right now, who have we harmed, what are our fears, and how do these character defects manifest in our lives. We will use the guide provided and we will each have a sharing partner to review this step with.
If you are more comfortable being “generic” regarding specific people, institutions, etc. Simply use first names or initials. What is most important is to establish a pattern of behavior.
The sponsor or sharing partner does the writing, asking the appropriate questions and filling in the inventory form.
List your resentments, current fears and harms done to others.
For resentment, ask the following questions:
- What is the resentment?
- What is the reason you have it?
- In what specific ways is this resentment impacting your identity, and your ability to feel safe, secure and loved?
- Is there any fear?
- What is it that you are expecting from the person?
Fears: For each (current) fear: why do you have that fear?
Liabilities: Using the simple grid list apply with a series of checkmarks, which liabilities apply to each specific resentment, fear or harm. Not everyone on the list will have checks and in some cases there may be very few “liabilities”.
Do you have any resentments, fears, selfishness, dishonesty, pride/false pride, jealousy, envy or laziness?
Who was affected by resentments, fears, selfishness, dishonesty, pride/false pride, jealousy, envy or laziness?
OR: Each liability can be addressed in a more general way: where and to whom have you been dishonest, selfish, full of false pride……
Harm: For every person on your resentment, fear or harm list: Has a harm been done?
Did your (liability) harm this person?
If a harm has been done, cross the check as an indication that an amends needs to be done.
A harm is: something that has caused someone actual suffering or loss, something that you did have done that has had a negative effect on another.
The Turnaround: Assets, Forgiveness, Faith, Amends,
The assets that are on the bottom of the list are what we are striving to incorporate into our new personalities, and when we act in this way, we are acting in accordance with God’s will for us.
List your assets. Identify the character assets: those items with the least number of check marks.
We grow by our willingness to face and rectify errors (liabilities) and convert them into assets.
- What should you have done instead?
- How would God have you be?
- If this happens again, how might you respond differently?
For example: If we are acting in a dishonest way, we strive for honesty, etc.
Forgiveness: If we have resentments in our lives, we will strive for forgiveness.
We ask: “Are you willing to forgive the person towards whom you are feeling resentful?”
If there is anything that we are holding onto, we ask: “Are you willing with prayer to forgive the person?”
Faith: If we find we have fear in our lives, it is clear that we need to ask God for faith.
We ask: Are you willing to turn over your fears and have faith in God?
Amends: We overcome harms with amends. Ask: Do I owe an amends?
If you have an outstanding apology, it must be made as soon as practicable once the review has been completed. “We ask God’s forgiveness and what corrective measures should be taken.”
Ask: Are you willing to make amends for the harms you have done?
We ask: Are you willing to have God remove the defects of character that are blocking you from Him? Are you willing to ask God to help you let go of them?
Pray to have the character defect removed. (Step 6)
Say the 7th step prayer.
Have you knowingly omitted writing down anything you have done or left undone that makes you feel guilty, ashamed or separated from God, from people, or from myself?
If your answer is an honest “NO!” then we have completed Step 5
After you have completed the list and discussed the list with your sharing partner:
- take time to quietly review the list with your higher power and thank your higher power for your sobriety and their support in developing comfortable and contented sobriety and for fitting yourself to be of service to others with this disease.
Following this step, the Big Book promises:
“Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.”
Step 4 Inventory Definitions Liabilities (Self Will)
Resentment: a feeling of deep and bitter anger and ill-will, a feeling of anger or displeasure stemming from belief that others have engaged in wrongdoing or mistreatment; dismissive, contemptuous; a hostile or indignant attitude. Resentment directed at self is remorse.
Fear: anxious or apprehensive about a possible or probable situation or event, fear is an emotional response to a perceived threat, afraid of losing something we have or not getting something we want. Phobia, panic, terror, anxiety, and worry are all manifestations of fear. Fear is finding fault with the future.
Selfishness: placing one’s own needs or desires above the needs or well-being of others, an excessive concern for your own welfare and a disregard of others.
Dishonesty: acts of lying, cheating or stealing, being deliberately deceptive, lacking in integrity, taking what does not belong to us.
Pride/False Pride: Pride is thinking that one is superior to others in some way. Pride is presenting yourself to others (and yourself) as something you are not — a person without flaws, prejudicial, arrogant. Feeling less than others is false pride as it arises from a pre-occupation with self, as does dwelling on self-pity and self-doubt and maintaining a lack of self-worth. Both extremes of pride/false pride are rooted in a lack of humility — knowing who you truly are.
Jealousy: negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that you value, such as a relationship, friendship, or love.
Envy: spite and resentment at seeing the success of another, Wanting another’s possessions
Laziness: inactivity resulting from a dislike of work or accomplishment, procrastination is a form of laziness, not doing what is in one’s best interest or what is expected of us.
Step 4 Inventory: Explanation Of Terms — Assets (Gods Will)
Forgiveness: Complete acceptance of another’s perceived faults or wrongdoings, being free of judgments.
Faith/Love: a sincere belief in God’s will, an unselfish and benevolent concern for another’s well-being, love extends oneself for the purpose of nurturing another’s spiritual growth.
Unselfishness: a strong intention to serve, generous, generosity of spirit, to give freely.
Honesty: adherence to the truth.
Humility: acceptance of self as one is, modest, down to earth, equal to all others.
Trust: confidence, faith in other’s intentions.
Contentment: being at peace with the people and events of one’s life, a deep satisfaction with one’s life as it is.
Action: doing what is needed or indicated without delay.
Step 4 Worksheet “God, please help me face and be rid of the things in myself which have been blocking me from You, other people and myself.”
List your resentments, current fears and harms done to others.
For resentment, ask the following questions:
- What is the resentment?
- What is the reason you have it?
- In what specific ways is this resentment impacting your identity, and your ability to feel safe, secure and loved?
- Is there any fear?
- What is it that you are expecting from the person?
Fears: For each (current) fear: why do you have that fear?
Liabilities: Using the simple grid list apply with a series of checkmarks, which liabilities apply to each specific resentment, fear or harm. Not everyone on the list will have checks and in some cases there may be very few “liabilities”.
Do you have any resentments, fears, selfishness, dishonesty, pride/false pride, jealousy, envy or laziness?
Who was affected by resentments, fears, selfishness, dishonesty, pride/false pride, jealousy, envy or laziness?
OR: Each liability can be addressed in a more general way: where and to whom have you been dishonest, selfish, full of false pride……
Harm: For every person on your resentment, fear or harm list: Has a harm been done?
Did your (liability) harm this person?
If a harm has been done, cross the check as an indication that an amends needs to be done.
A harm is: something that has caused someone actual suffering or loss, something that you did have done that has had a negative effect on another.
The Turnaround: Assets, Forgiveness, Faith, Amends,
The assets that are on the bottom of the list are what we are striving to incorporate into our new personalities, and when we act in this way, we are acting in accordance with God’s will for us.
List your assets. Identify the character assets: those items with the least number of check marks. We grow by our willingness to face and rectify errors (liabilities) and convert them into assets.
- What should you have done instead?
- How would God have you be?
- If this happens again, how might you respond differently?
For example: If we are acting in a dishonest way, we strive for honesty, etc.
Forgiveness: If we have resentments in our lives, we will strive for forgiveness.
We ask: “Are you willing to forgive the person towards whom you are feeling resentful?”
If there is anything that we are holding onto, we ask: “Are you willing with prayer to forgive the person?”
Faith: If we find we have fear in our lives, it is clear that we need to ask God for faith.
We ask: Are you willing to turn over your fears and have faith in God?
Amends: We overcome harms with amends. Ask: Do I owe an amends?
If I have an outstanding apology, it must be made as soon as practicable once the review has been completed. We ask God’s forgiveness and what corrective measures should be taken. Ask: Are you willing to make amends for the harms you have done?
We ask: Are you willing to have God remove the defects of character that are blocking you from Him? Are you willing to ask God to help you let go of them? Pray to have the character defect removed. (Step 6)
Say the 7th step prayer.
Have I knowingly omitted writing down anything I have done or left undone that makes me feel guilty, ashamed or separated from God, from people, or from myself?
If your answer is an honest “NO!” then we have completed Step 5
Here is this above, and a simplified version:
I hope that this is helpful!
Emotional Sobriety And Food 